Trying to force you to stay made my heart grow heavy with heartache because I watched you suffer by staying with me. I realized I was holding you back from moving forward. I realized that what I craved was your love and affection. Begging you to stay was the saddest thing I’ve ever done. I learned that just because you adore the presence of somebody, just because you want to stay awake until 3am every night getting lost in their eyes, just because you’d do anything to make sure they were happy, just because you love someone wholeheartedly it doesn’t mean they’ll love you back or that they’ll stay. Just because you are willing to go to the ends of the Earth for them doesn’t mean they’d be willing to do the same for you. But one day I’ll meet someone who doesn’t make me question my feelings, who will love me endlessly, who will put effort into making us work, someone who will choose to love me, who’ll choose to stay no matter how hard I try to push away. I know he’ll make me happy. I know he’ll kiss me passionately. I know he’ll laugh at my dumb jokes and hold my hand in public. The worst part is, I know that it won’t be you. But goddamn, I wanted it to be. You should know that I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so bad.
You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect—you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.